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You’ve Been Told This Is Right (It’s Not)

You’ve Been Told This Is Right (It’s Not)

It checks every box—and still misses the point...

Justin Mecham
April 28, 2025

Hey Full Potential Zoners!

Disagreements aren’t the problem— how you handle them is.

Every team faces conflict.

But how you handle it makes all the difference.

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Conflict is not a threat.

It’s a mirror that shows what people care about.

Avoid it, and you bury what matters.

Face it, and you build something stronger.

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘Dealing With Conflict'.

Let’s dive in!

Download This PDF + my Top 60+ Cheat Sheets At Bottom of Email

Real Conflict Fixes That Work

Misalignment on Goals Between Two Departments

Scenario: Marketing and Product teams argue over priorities. Each side believes the other isn’t listening. Deadlines are missed.

Team fix:
- Hold a joint alignment session.
- Each side summarizes the other's goals before sharing their own.
Leader fix:
- Step in to model healthy conflict.
- Say: “Let’s get clear on what matters most to the customer and agree on shared success metrics.”
Extra tip:
- Use a shared visual roadmap to highlight overlapping priorities.

A Team Member Shuts Down in Meetings

Scenario: One person stops speaking up after repeated interruptions. The rest of the team assumes they have nothing to add.

Team fix:
- Use the rule “Listen More Than You Talk.”
- Go around the table and invite everyone to speak without being cut off.
Leader fix:
- Actively manage power dynamics.
- Say privately: “I noticed you were quiet today. Your voice matters—how can we make space for it next time?”
Extra tip:
- Try structured turn-taking or a shared notes doc for input.

Heated Argument Over Who Made a Mistake

Scenario: Two coworkers publicly argue about who’s responsible for a missed deadline. Emotions flare, and blame takes over.

Team fix:
- Focus on the problem, not the person.
- Say: “Let’s figure out how the breakdown happened so we can prevent it next time.”
Leader fix:
- Model calm, respectful behavior.
- Say: “We’re not here to assign blame. Let’s walk through the timeline together.”
Extra tip:
- Use a postmortem doc with a no-blame policy.

Passive-Aggressive Comments in Slack

Scenario: Team chat gets sarcastic. One person posts a snide comment after their idea gets ignored.

Team fix:
- Address conflict early.
- Reach out privately: “I noticed some tension—can we talk it through before it gets worse?”
Leader fix:
- Encourage open dialogue.
- Say: “Slack is for collaboration, not digs. Let’s all be clear and kind, even when we disagree.”
Extra tip:
- Pin team norms around tone and intent in your chat tools.

Feedback Feels Like a Personal Attack

Scenario: A team member gives blunt feedback in front of others. The recipient becomes defensive, and collaboration stalls.

Team fix:
- Clarify expectations early—agree on how feedback should be given (e.g. in private, with solutions).
Leader fix:
- Reward healthy conflict.
- After a good feedback moment, say: “That was honest, respectful, and helpful. Great example of how we want to handle issues.”
Extra tip:
- Try using the "SBI" feedback model: Situation–Behavior–Impact.
  - (Created by the Center for Creative Leadership)

When Feedback Feels Like a Personal Attack

A company I was consulting for brought me in because team morale had dropped after a recent performance review cycle.

Several employees felt the feedback they received was harsh and personal.

One team member shared that their manager’s comments during a 1:1 felt like “a personal takedown, not guidance.”

I sat in on a few feedback sessions and noticed a pattern: feedback was vague, emotionally charged, and focused more on personality than behavior.

I introduced the team to the SBI model (Situation–Behavior–Impact by the Center for Creative Leadership) and trained managers to give feedback that sticks to facts, not feelings.

Instead of saying:

“You’re too disorganized, and it’s holding us back.”

I coached them to say:
“In yesterday’s team meeting (Situation), you didn’t bring the project tracker (Behavior), and it caused confusion about the timeline (Impact).”

We also practiced giving feedback in private and encouraged managers to ask, “How did that land for you?” at the end of each session.

Within two weeks, team members shared that feedback was clearer, less emotional, and more actionable.

One person said, “I still don’t like criticism, but at least now I know what to do with it.”

Managers were more confident, and employees felt supported, not targeted.

Actionable Tips:

Train your team on the SBI model to avoid vague or loaded feedback.
Pause before giving feedback—ask, “Is this helpful or just honest?”
Always separate the person from the behavior.
Check in after:
- “Was that clear?” or “How did that come across?”

This change didn’t just reduce conflict.

It helped build trust.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1 – Notice Your Patterns

Write down the last time you felt tension with someone at work.
What triggered it?
What did you say or do in the moment?
How did the other person react?
Build awareness of how you typically respond in conflict so you can change it.
AI Prompt: “You are a conflict coach. I want to understand how I usually handle conflict at work. Here’s a recent situation I was in: [insert details]. Help me spot what I did well and what I could do better next time.”

Day 2 – Pick One Word to Replace

Choose a common word or phrase you use in tense moments that makes things worse—and swap it.
For Example:
- Replace “You always...” with “What I noticed this time...”
- Swap “That’s wrong” with “Let’s look at this a different way...”
Use language that keeps the focus on the issue, not the person.
AI Prompt: “You are an expert in respectful communication. I want to stop using language that makes people shut down. Give me 5 common phrases that sound hurtful and what I can say instead to sound clear but respectful.”

Day 3 – Ask Before You Speak

In your next feedback or disagreement, ask one curious question before giving your point of view.
For Example:
- “How are you seeing this?”
- “What’s been the hardest part for you?”
Show that you care about understanding, not just being right.
AI Prompt: “You are a workplace communication trainer. I want to ask better questions in moments of tension or disagreement. Give me 5 simple questions I can ask before I respond, so the other person feels heard.”

Day 4 – Close the Loop

Revisit a small conflict or misunderstanding this week and wrap it up.
For Example:
- “I’ve been thinking about our conversation... I want to make sure we’re good.”
- Or, “Looking back, I could’ve said that differently. Here’s what I meant.”
End loose conflicts before they build into bigger ones.
AI Prompt: “You are a leadership coach. I want to revisit a small misunderstanding I had this week and clear the air in a helpful way. What’s a short and respectful way I can bring it up and make things better?”

Conflict isn’t the problem. Avoiding it is.

Most issues don’t get worse because of disagreement.

They get worse because people stay silent.

You don’t have to win the argument to fix the issue.

The moment you say nothing is the moment things start drifting.

Speaking up doesn’t mean being unkind—it means being clear.

And clarity is what keeps teams together.

Until next time and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:

“Crucial Conversation by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

“The Walk from 'No' to 'Yes" by William Ury (see it here)

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