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The Silent Damage of Always Being Nice
Justin Mecham
October 21, 2024
Hey Full Potential Zoners!
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Want to lead? Stop being “nice" -
“Nice” leadership holds people back, here’s why:
Too many leaders mistake being nice for being kind.
Being "nice" doesn’t solve problems.
It doesn’t build trust or push people to grow.
It simply avoids conflict, leaving issues unresolved.
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Think about a time when your leader was just "nice." They:
Avoided conflict
Ignored problems
Sugarcoated feedback
Maybe it felt good at first, but did you really grow from it?
Being kind is different.
Kind leaders are honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Leadership isn’t a popularity contest.
It’s about creating a space where people feel:
Challenged, supported, and trusted.
Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:
‘Are You Kind or Nice?'.
Let’s dive in!
6 Work Scenarios For Leaders
Ask for Honest Feedback Regularly
Instead of waiting for performance reviews, schedule regular 1:1 meetings with your team and ask, "If you were in my position, what would you do differently?"
This not only shows humility but also opens the door for meaningful discussions, helping you grow as a leader by listening and acting on feedback.
Facilitate Open Conversations About Conflict
During meetings or brainstorming sessions, don’t avoid disagreements.
Instead, encourage a "disagree and commit" mindset, where team members are invited to voice their concerns openly, but once a decision is made, everyone moves forward together.
This creates collaboration while addressing conflicts constructively.
Acknowledge Individual Contributions Publicly
Instead of offering vague praise like “Good job,” take time to celebrate specific achievements.
For example, if a team member resolved a customer issue creatively, mention the details publicly to demonstrate genuine appreciation.
This builds morale and reinforces the behaviors you want to see repeated.
Be Transparent About Difficult Decisions
When facing hard choices, such as reallocating resources or restructuring teams, explain your reasoning openly.
For example, if cutting a project is necessary, share how it fits into the company’s larger strategy and invite feedback on how to handle the transition gracefully.
Check In With Empathy Beyond Work Topics
Show that you care about your team members as individuals.
Ask simple, meaningful questions like, “How’s everything going for you outside of work?”
Doing this in a sincere way helps employees feel valued as people, not just for their output at work, creating deeper trust.
Guide Growth With Honest, Empathetic Feedback
Practice radical candor by giving feedback that is both direct and caring.
Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, let employees know where they stand and how they can improve.
For example, if someone is struggling in their role, offer specific ways they can adjust and grow, while affirming your belief in their potential.
Conflict Resolution
A team I worked with was struggling with tension between two departments—sales and customer service.
Sales was frustrated because they felt customer service was too slow in resolving customer issues, leading to lost deals.
On the other hand, customer service felt that sales overpromised features to customers, setting unrealistic expectations they were then blamed for not meeting.
The tension grew, causing miscommunication, finger-pointing, and delays in both teams' performance.
Noticing things needed to change fast, I facilitated a conflict resolution session using open dialogue and structured mediation techniques. The goal was to shift from blame to collaboration.
Here are the exact steps I used:
Set ground rules for the meeting. Every team member could speak without interruption, and the focus was on issues, not personal attacks.
Brought transparency by letting each side share their frustrations, ensuring everyone was heard.
Clarified misunderstandings by highlighting how their roles depended on each other—sales relied on service for fulfillment, and service needed accurate information from sales to do their job effectively.
Found common goals. Both teams wanted customer satisfaction and retention. I aligned the conversation around this shared goal.
Together, the teams agreed on two practical solutions:
Sales would consult customer service before committing to custom product features. This way, expectations stayed realistic.
Customer service would set up a priority system for sales escalations, so urgent customer issues got resolved faster without bottlenecks.
Within two weeks of implementing these solutions, tension between the departments eased.
Communication improved as both sides now had clear processes and expectations. Sales reported fewer customer complaints, and customer service felt respected and heard.
Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:
Day 1: Active Listening Practice
Have a conversation today (1:1 or with your team) and practice listening without interrupting.
When they finish, summarize what they said to confirm you understood them correctly.
Start with “If I understand you correctly...” and reflect back what they shared.
This builds trust and shows that you care about their perspective.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I want to have a conversation where I listen without interrupting, and then reflect back what I heard to confirm I understood. Guide me on the best way to do this and give me phrases to use so I sound natural.”
Day 2: Give Honest, Helpful Feedback
Choose someone to give meaningful feedback to today.
Focus on something small—be specific about what worked well and suggest one improvement.
Avoid vague statements like “Good job.”
Instead, say, “The way you organized the presentation was really clear. Next time, adding some visuals could make it even better”.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I need to give someone specific feedback today that is both positive and constructive. Help me write a short, simple message that acknowledges what they did well and suggests one improvement in a kind way. Here’s the scenario [insert scenario here]."
Day 3: Handle One Conflict Proactively
Identify a small misunderstanding or disagreement at work and address it directly with the person involved.
Focus on solving the issue, not assigning blame.
Use the phrase, “Let’s figure out how we can solve this together,” to keep the conversation productive and collaborative.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I noticed a small misunderstanding at work, and I want to address it before it gets worse. Give me a script or advice on how to approach the person, stay calm, and focus on solving the issue together. Here’s what happened [insert what happened here]."
Day 4: Check In With Your Team Personally
Spend 5-10 minutes today checking in with someone—not about work, but about how they’re doing personally.
Ask, “How’s everything going for you?” and listen without an agenda.
This small gesture strengthens relationships and creates a sense of support and belonging.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I want to check in with someone on my team about how they are doing outside of work. Help me with natural questions I can ask to make sure it feels genuine and supportive, not forced or awkward."
People remember how you made them feel more than the words you say.
A kind leader follows words with actions, ensuring accountability and support align.
Compliments without substance fade, but recognition grounded in truth lasts.
Kindness helps others see their worth, not by avoiding discomfort but by inspiring growth.
When kindness leads, the results are not just good moments—they are lasting impacts.
Until next week and with lots of love,
Justin
This Week’s Growth Recommendations
Book To Read:
"Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown (see it here)
TED Talk to Watch
"The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown (see it here)
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