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The Secret to Not Taking Things Personally
Discover how to respond calmly instead of reacting emotionally...
Justin Mecham
December 24, 2024
Hey Full Potential Zoners!
If you take things personally, it will control you.
Not everything is about you -
Hard to hear, right?
But it’s the key to staying calm when things get tough.
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We take things personally because:
❌ We look for control or validation
❌ We attach our identity to their words
❌ We assume others’ actions are about us
The result?
Stress.
Overthinking.
Reacting instead of responding.
There’s a better way to handle it.
Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:
‘Respond, Don’t React - The Secret To Not Taking Things Personally'.
Let’s dive in!
Download PDF at Bottom of Email
Secrets to Staying Calm
Separate Emotion from Fact
Scenario: A colleague criticizes your project in a meeting, stating that the results don’t meet expectations.
What to Do:
Take a moment to pause and breathe. Internally acknowledge, "This is feedback, not a personal attack."
Ask clarifying questions like, “Can you share specific examples where the project fell short?” This keeps the discussion factual.
What to Say:
“I hear your concerns. Let’s break down where we can adjust to improve next steps.”
Reframe the Narrative
Scenario: Your manager sends an abrupt email with negative feedback, and you initially think they are upset with you personally.
What to Do:
Reassess the situation. Consider that the tone may reflect their stress or time constraints, not their feelings about you.
Respond calmly: “Thanks for the feedback. I’ll work on these points and follow up soon.”
What to Say:
“It seems like there’s urgency around this. Let me focus on how to address it effectively.”
Question Assumptions
Scenario: A team member doesn’t contribute much during meetings, and you assume they’re disengaged or uninterested.
What to Do:
Instead of jumping to conclusions, privately check in: “I noticed you’ve been quieter lately. Is there anything you’d like to share or need support with?”
This opens the door for them to explain rather than leaving space for assumptions.
What to Say:
“I want to make sure we’re aligned and you feel supported. Let me know if there’s something I can clarify or adjust.”
Stay in Your Lane
Scenario: A coworker takes credit for an idea you contributed during a brainstorming session.
What to Do:
Focus on what you can control: how you follow up and present your ideas clearly moving forward.
Address it professionally by discussing contributions without accusing: “I’d like to add details to the point I raised earlier about...”
What to Say:
“I think building on my earlier suggestion about [idea] could add value. Let’s expand on it further.”
Detach with Grace
Scenario: A client sends a strongly worded email about a delay, and you feel defensive.
What to Do:
Respond factually and focus on resolving the issue without taking their tone personally.
Draft a calm email outlining the current status and next steps. Example: “We understand your concerns and are actively working on...”
What to Say:
“Thank you for bringing this up. Let me walk you through the current situation and the solutions we’ve put in place.”
You can’t control others.
But you can control how you respond.
Every interaction you face is a chance to respond thoughtfully, not react impulsively.
It’s not just about what happens in the moment; it’s about who you become in those moments.
Stepping back, understanding intent, and deciding your response intentionally puts you in control.
You don’t have to let someone else’s actions dictate your emotions.
By focusing on what you can control—your response—you create space for clarity, progress, and peace.
Until next time and with lots of love,
Justin
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