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Most problems come from assumptions, not facts -

Assumptions are dangerous.

They stop you from seeing the truth.

90% of workplace conflicts are caused by misunderstandings and assumptions. (Source: Harvard Business Review)

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Shannon L. Alder said it best:

"Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, 'What else could this mean?'"

We all make assumptions.

We see someone's behavior and assign meaning to it.

Often without knowing the full story.

This leads to:

➜ Poor decisions

➜ Misunderstandings

➜ Damaged relationships

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘The Danger of Assumptions - Stop Assuming, Start Understanding'. 

Let’s dive in!

How to Stop Assuming & Start Understanding

1. Observing Facts

• Scenario: Your manager doesn’t join a scheduled meeting.

  • What to Do: Note only the observable fact: the manager didn’t join the meeting. Avoid assuming they forgot or didn’t care.

  • What to Say: “I noticed you weren’t in the meeting earlier. Is everything okay?”

  • Why It Works: This avoids attaching meaning or making assumptions, giving the other person a chance to explain.

2. Selecting Data

• Scenario: During a team project, a colleague contributes fewer updates than others.

  • What to Do: Avoid focusing solely on their silence as the only data point. Look for other facts, such as how they’ve been performing on tasks.

  • What to Say: “I noticed you haven’t shared many updates recently. Is there something you’re working on behind the scenes or any obstacles you’re facing?”

  • Why It Works: This expands your perspective, ensuring you don’t focus on incomplete information.

3. Adding Meaning

• Scenario: A coworker doesn’t reply to your email about an urgent task.

  • What to Do: Avoid assigning meaning, like assuming they’re ignoring you. Consider alternative reasons, like workload or a missed email.

  • What to Say: “I wanted to check if you saw my email about the [specific task]. Let me know if you need help prioritizing it.”

  • Why It Works: This keeps communication neutral and open, avoiding conflict caused by assumptions.

4. Making Assumptions

• Scenario: Your boss gives another colleague a high-profile project instead of you.

  • What to Do: Don’t assume favoritism. Instead, ask for clarity about the decision to understand their reasoning.

  • What to Say: “I noticed [colleague] was assigned the project. Can you share how I can better prepare for similar opportunities in the future?”

  • Why It Works: This turns your assumption into a chance for professional growth without confrontation.

5. Drawing Conclusions

• Scenario: A teammate misses multiple deadlines, and you conclude they’re unreliable.

  • What to Do: Instead of labeling them, have a direct conversation to understand why it’s happening.

  • What to Say: “I’ve noticed a few missed deadlines recently. Is there something affecting your workload or schedule that we can address?”

  • Why It Works: This allows you to address the issue without jumping to a negative conclusion about their abilities.

6. Adopting Beliefs

• Scenario: A new hire frequently asks questions during meetings, and you assume they lack confidence.

  • What to Do: Challenge your belief by considering other possibilities, like their curiosity or desire to learn.

  • What to Say: “I’ve noticed you ask great questions in meetings. It shows how engaged you are in learning about the role.”

  • Why It Works: This shifts your perspective and turns your assumption into an opportunity to acknowledge their positive intent.

7. Taking Action

• Scenario: After assuming a team member is uninterested based on their body language, you stop including them in key discussions.

  • What to Do: Before acting, verify your assumptions by discussing their engagement directly.

  • What to Say: “I wanted to check in. I noticed you’ve been quieter in discussions lately. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more involved?”

  • Why It Works: This ensures your actions are based on facts and open communication rather than unchecked assumptions.

Making Assumptions

A team I was working with was facing tension because one member believed another was intentionally avoiding collaboration.

The assumption was based on the fact that the colleague had missed a few meetings and didn’t respond quickly to emails.

This led to frustration, strained communication, and a lack of trust within the team.

To address the issue, I helped the team separate assumptions from facts and used open communication to clarify the situation.

Here’s exactly how I did it -

Highlight the Assumption:

I met with the concerned team member and asked them to describe the situation without adding personal meaning. I said, “Tell me exactly what happened—only the facts you observed.” This helped them realize their belief was based on missed meetings and delayed replies, not on direct confirmation of the colleague’s intentions.

Seek Clarification:

I encouraged the team member to have a direct and respectful conversation with the colleague. I provided guidance on what to say.

I had them say: “I noticed you missed the last few meetings and haven’t replied to some emails. Is there something going on that’s making it hard to collaborate?”

This opened the door for the colleague to explain their side.

Focus on Understanding:

During the conversation, the colleague revealed they were managing an unexpected workload from another department and didn’t realize how their absence was affecting the team. This explanation reframed the situation entirely.

Rebuild Trust:

I facilitated a follow-up discussion with the whole team to realign expectations. They agreed to set clearer communication protocols, including notifying others about workload conflicts and delays.

By addressing the assumption directly and replacing it with clear communication, the team diffused unnecessary tension and repaired trust. They learned to verify facts before drawing conclusions, which improved collaboration moving forward.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1: Identify Patterns in Your Thinking

• Choose the lesson you want to work on.

  • Pay attention to one interaction today where you might have made assumptions or drawn conclusions too quickly. Write down:

    • The observable facts.

    • What you assumed about the situation.

    • Why you thought that way.

  • Example: If someone missed a meeting, note the fact, your assumption (e.g., “they don’t care”), and your reasoning (e.g., “they didn’t send an explanation”).

• Identifying these patterns shows how assumptions can cloud your judgment and sets the stage for improvement.

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "You are a relationship expert in the workplace. Help me reflect on a situation today where I might have made assumptions too quickly. Guide me to break it down into observable facts, what I assumed, and why I thought that way.”

Day 2: Pause and Ask Questions

• In your interactions today, focus on pausing before you react. Instead of assuming, ask clarifying questions to gather more facts.

  • Example Questions to Ask:

    • “Can you help me understand why this happened?”

    • “Was there a reason behind [specific action]?”

    • “Am I interpreting this correctly?”

• Asking questions prevents assumptions and opens up space for better understanding.

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Give me examples of questions I can ask in conversations today to replace assumptions with understanding. I want these questions to be simple, clear, and effective for workplace interactions."

Day 3: Test Your Beliefs

• Identify one belief you hold about someone or something at work and test it.

• Look for facts that either support or contradict your belief.

  • Example: If you believe a coworker is unresponsive, check your communication history.

    • Do they reply slower than others, or is it just in specific situations

• This exercise helps separate reality from perception and reduces bias in decision-making.

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Help me test a belief I hold about someone or something at work. Guide me to find facts that either support or challenge my belief so I can see the situation more clearly."

Day 4: Reflect and Plan Forward

• Spend 10 minutes reflecting on the past three days:

  • What assumptions did you catch yourself making?

  • How did pausing and asking questions change your perspective?

  • What will you do differently to avoid assumptions going forward?

    • Example Plan: “When I feel frustrated by someone’s actions, I will pause, ask for clarity, and focus on facts before reacting.”

• Reflection helps solidify what you’ve learned and creates actionable habits for better thinking

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Help me reflect on how I applied the Ladder of Inference lessons over the last three days. Guide me to identify what worked, what didn’t, and how I can change my habits to avoid assumptions in the future."

Assumptions are shortcuts that lead to misunderstandings and conflict.

Taking the time to pause and seek clarity strengthens relationships and builds trust.

Each time you question an assumption, you open the door to better communication.

True understanding comes from facts, not guesses or biases.

When we replace assumptions with understanding, we create stronger teams and better results.

Take the time to slow down, ask questions - verify what’s really going on.

That’s how true understanding happens.

Until next week and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:  

"The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

"The Danger of a Single Story" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (see it here)

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