Struggling with Difficult People? Read This

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Struggling with toxic team members?

77% of employees say working with difficult people has negatively affected their morale. (Source: Forbes)

They make it hard to:

➥ Focus

➥ Find answers

➥ Resolve conflicts

➥ Keep cultures positive

But there are methods to deal with them constructively.

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Clear, respectful communication can ease tensions and create a healthier work environment.

We need to make it a priority each day.

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘How to Handle Difficult People'. 

Let’s dive in!

Applying This in the Real World

1. Broaden Your View

   • Scenario: A team member constantly interrupts others during meetings.

   • What to do/say: Step back and think about why they might be doing this. Next time, say,

     • "I’ve noticed you have a lot to share. Let’s make sure everyone gets a chance to speak, and then we can hear your thoughts."

2. Seek Support

   • Scenario: A colleague is consistently uncooperative on projects.

   • What to do/say: Discuss the issue with a trusted colleague or manager. You might say,

     • "I’m finding it tough to collaborate with [Name]. Have you had similar experiences or advice on how to work better together?"

3. Act, Don’t React

   • Scenario: A client sends an angry email about a delayed project.

   • What to do/say: Take a moment to calm down before replying. Then, respond with,

     • "I understand your frustration. Let’s work together to find a solution and get this back on track."

4. Show Empathy

   • Scenario: A co-worker seems upset and is not performing well.

   • What to do/say: Approach them kindly and say,

     • "I’ve noticed you seem a bit down. Is there anything you’d like to talk about or anything I can do to help?"

5. Set Boundaries

   • Scenario: A manager expects you to answer emails late at night.

   • What to do/say: Communicate clearly by saying,

     • "I’m happy to address this first thing in the morning. I try to keep evenings for personal time to stay balanced."

6. Understand the Behavior

   • Scenario: A colleague frequently takes credit for others’ work.

   • What to do/say: Focus on the action, not the person, and say,

     • "I noticed that the team’s effort on this project wasn’t fully acknowledged. Let’s ensure everyone gets the recognition they deserve."

7. Stay Positive

   • Scenario: The project you’re leading hits a major roadblock.

   • What to do/say: Keep a positive attitude and say,

     • "This is a setback, but we can find a way through it. Let’s brainstorm solutions together."

Show Empathy

Our team faced an issue where one of my managers expected team members to respond to emails late at night, causing stress and burnout.

One team member, in particular, was struggling to balance work and personal life, leading to decreased productivity and morale.

I noticed the team member seemed increasingly stressed and decided to approach the situation with empathy.

I took them aside and said, "I’ve noticed you seem a bit overwhelmed. Is there anything specific that's been bothering you, or anything I can help with?"

This opened up a dialogue where they expressed the difficulty of managing work expectations during late hours.

Understanding their situation, I suggested a meeting with the manager to discuss the issue.

In the meeting, I explained the impact of late-night emails on the team’s well-being and productivity.

I proposed a clear boundary: work-related communications should be limited to office hours unless absolutely urgent (literally “something is on fire” type urgent).

To implement this effectively:

Set Clear Expectations

We agreed that non-urgent emails should be addressed during regular working hours.

Create a Supportive Environment

Encouraged the team to communicate openly about their availability and workload.

Follow Up

Regular check-ins were established to ensure the new boundaries were respected and working well for everyone.

The manager was receptive to the feedback and adjusted their expectations.

Team members felt heard and valued, leading to improved morale and productivity.

By using empathy, we not only set necessary boundaries but also strengthened the overall team dynamic, making it a more supportive and efficient work environment.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1: Active Listening

• Choose one of the lessons from the infographic that you want to focus on.

• In your next conversation, practice active listening.

• Focus entirely on the speaker without planning your response while they talk.

• Show that you’re listening by nodding or giving verbal acknowledgments like "I see" or "That makes sense."

  • After they finish speaking, summarize what you heard to confirm your understanding before responding.

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Today, I want to improve my active listening skills. How can I fully focus on the speaker in my next conversation and show them that I am listening attentively? What are some tips to ensure I don’t plan my response while they talk?”

Day 2: Express with “I” Statements

• When you need to give feedback or discuss a challenging issue, use “I” statements.

• For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed when emails come late at night because it disrupts my work-life balance” instead of “You always send emails too late.”

  • Focus on your feelings and the impact of the other person's behavior rather than blaming or criticizing.

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I need to give feedback using 'I' statements instead of blaming the other person. Help me frame a sentence where I express my feelings and the impact of the behavior without criticizing. For example, how can I say that I feel overwhelmed by late emails?"

Day 3: Seek and Give Constructive Feedback

• Ask a colleague for feedback on your communication style.

• For instance, “Can you give me feedback on how I handle team meetings?”

  • Listen openly without defending yourself.

• When giving feedback, be specific and focus on behaviors rather than personal attributes.

  • For example, “I noticed that you tend to interrupt during meetings, which can make it hard for others to share their ideas.”

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I want to ask for feedback on my communication style from a colleague. How can I do this in a way that encourages honest and helpful responses? Also, how can I give constructive feedback that focuses on behavior and not personal attributes?"

Day 4: Practice Empathy

• Make an effort to understand a colleague’s perspective today.

• If you notice someone seems stressed, approach them and ask if they’d like to talk about what’s going on.

• Show empathy by listening and acknowledging their feelings.

  • Say something like, “It sounds like you’re really under a lot of pressure. Is there anything I can do to help?”

• ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Today, I want to practice empathy at work. If I notice a colleague who seems stressed, what’s the best way to approach them and offer support? How can I show that I genuinely care about their feelings?"

Building a positive culture requires intention and effort.

It's about creating an environment where everyone feels safe to express themselves.

By practicing empathy and setting clear boundaries, we show that we value each other’s well-being.

This foundation of respect and understanding makes our workplace not just a place to work, but a community to belong to.

Until next week and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:  

"Dealing with Difficult People" by Harvard Business Review, Tony Schwartz, Mark Gerzon, Holly Weeks, and Amy Gallo (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

"How to Deal with Difficult People" by Jay Johnson (see it here)

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