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Stop Saying This at Work

Stop Saying This at Work

People won’t tell you this, but they feel it...

Justin Mecham
April 21, 2025

Hey Full Potential Zoners!

Telling the truth isn’t the problem— it’s how you tell it.

Some people say, “I’m just being real.”

But what they really mean is, “I don’t care how my words affect you.”

The difference? Helpful honesty builds trust, hurtful honesty breaks it.

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Honesty without kindness isn’t honesty.

It’s just cruelty in disguise.

The goal isn’t to win the conversation— it’s to make the conversation worth having.

Because when people feel safe to listen— they’re more likely to hear you.

And when people feel safe to speak— they’re more likely to grow.

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘Helpful vs Hurtful - How To Be Direct Without Being Cruel'.

Let’s dive in!

Download This PDF + my Top 60+ Cheat Sheets At Bottom of Email

Helpful vs Hurtful: What to Say at Work

Pointing Out Missed Deadlines

Situation: Someone misses a key deadline that affected your team.

Hurtful:
- “You always drop the ball. This is why we can’t move forward.”
Helpful:
- “I noticed the deadline slipped. Is there anything blocking you? Let’s figure out how to stay on track.”
Check the Timing:
- Don’t bring it up in front of others. Choose a private moment.
Respect Boundaries:
- Stick to the facts—don’t assume personal reasons.

Correcting Poor Communication

Situation: A coworker sent a confusing update to the whole team.

Hurtful:
- “That email made no sense. No wonder no one responded.”
Helpful:
- “I think some parts of your message weren’t clear—want to go over it before the next one?”
Consider the Impact:
- Think about how your words will affect their confidence.
Value Others’ Perspective:
- Ask what message they were trying to get across.

Pushing Back in a Meeting

Situation: You disagree with a proposal during a strategy call.

Hurtful:
- “That idea isn’t going to work. It’s completely off.”
Helpful:
- “I see where you’re coming from, but I think there might be some risks we should talk through first.”
Respect Boundaries:
- Don’t shame them in front of others—challenge the idea, not the person.
Offer Solutions:
- Suggest an alternative, not just a disagreement.

Handling a Tough Performance Chat

Situation: You're giving feedback after a string of mistakes.

Hurtful:
- “This is unacceptable. You’re hurting the team.”
Helpful:
- “There’ve been a few issues lately—let’s talk about what’s been going on and how I can help support a reset.”
Check the Timing:
- Choose a calm, private space—timing is critical here.
Offer Solutions:
- Ask how they’d like to improve and offer help.

Calling Out Disrespectful Behavior

Situation: A coworker speaks over others during a call.

Hurtful:
- “Stop interrupting. You’re being rude.”
Helpful:
- “I’ve noticed a few folks haven’t had a chance to speak. Can we make space for others to weigh in too?”
Consider the Impact:
- Avoid calling them out directly—redirect the room instead.
Value Others’ Perspective:
- Show you care about everyone’s voice being heard.

Listening to Understand, Not Just to Respond

A product team I was hired to consult with was dealing with constant tension between designers and engineers.

In meetings, people were talking over each other.

Designers felt unheard. Engineers felt rushed.

The same arguments happened every week, and deadlines were getting missed because no one felt aligned.

I sat in on one of their weekly standups and noticed a clear pattern: people weren’t really listening—they were waiting to speak.

I introduced a simple shift.

Before responding to someone’s idea or concern, each person had to reflect back what they heard.

For example:

“So what I’m hearing is that you’re worried about how this layout will affect speed—is that right?”

Then, only after the other person confirmed, could they respond.

We also added a two-minute buffer at the end of meetings for clarifying any missed points—without new arguments.

After just two weeks, tension dropped.

People interrupted less, and the feedback loop got cleaner.

Team members started feeling heard.

Misunderstandings went down. Collaboration went up.

Even the feedback felt less defensive, because people stopped assuming the worst and started asking for clarity.

Tips to Practice “Listening to Understand”:

Pause before replying.
- Ask yourself, “Did I get that right?”
Repeat back the core message in your own words.
Don’t jump to solve—clarify first.
Use short, simple follow-ups like “Can you say more about that?”
If emotions rise, name the feeling:
- “It sounds like this is really frustrating.”

Real listening doesn’t slow things down. It stops the wrong things from happening later.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1 – Pick Your Pattern

Think back to a recent moment where a conversation didn’t go well.
Write down what happened.
What do you wish you’d said or done differently?
Choose one skill to focus on this week (ex: listening better, asking before fixing, being more clear, etc.)
AI Prompt: “You are a communication coach. I want to get better at how I handle tough conversations. Here’s a recent situation that didn’t go well: [insert situation]. Help me figure out what went wrong and which skill I should work on this week.”

Day 2 – Change One Habit

Pick one small habit to shift based on what you chose.
If it’s listening:
- Try not interrupting once today.
If it’s feedback:
- Focus on what happened, not who caused it.
If it’s clarity:
- Ask someone, “Was that clear?”
Reflect:
- What felt different when you changed your approach?
AI Prompt: “You are an expert in workplace communication. I want to shift one small habit today to help me communicate better. I’m focusing on [insert skill: listening, feedback, clarity, tone, etc.]. What is one simple thing I can change in how I speak or listen today?”

Day 3 – Ask Before Assuming

Today, before replying to any comment or request, pause and ask a clarifying question.
Try:
- “Can you tell me more?” or “Is this what you meant?”
Don’t assume the meaning. Let them explain.
Write down what you learned by not jumping in right away.
AI Prompt: “You are a conversation expert. Today I want to practice asking before assuming. Help me come up with 3 short questions I can use in a meeting or 1-on-1 today to make sure I fully understand what someone means before I respond.”

Day 4 – Reflect and Try Again

Go back to the first moment you wrote down.
How would you handle it differently now?
Write a short version of what you’d say today.
Think about what felt easier this week—and what you want to keep practicing.
AI Prompt: “You are a trusted advisor. I want to reflect on how I handled a past conversation. Here’s what happened: [insert brief summary]. Based on what I’ve learned this week, how could I respond differently now using better words, better timing, or better tone?”

Words don’t need to be loud to leave a mark.

Most people don’t mean to hurt others—but they still do.

You can correct without cutting.

You can lead without shaming.

You can be clear without being cold.

The best people aren’t just honest—they’re helpful.

And that difference shows up in every result that follows.

Until next time and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:

“Fierce Conversations" by Susan Scott (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

“The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown (see it here)

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