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how to be direct without being cruel

how to be direct without being cruel

Justin Mecham
November 11, 2024

Hey Full Potential Zoners!

Being direct doesn’t mean being destructive -

You can be honest without being harsh:

Some conversations hit harder than others.

But how you say things matters just as much as what you say.

Here’s the difference:

✅ Clear, honest communication builds trust.

❌ Being blunt or careless damages relationships.

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When done right, speaking with clarity:

Reduces misunderstandings

Encourages open feedback

Strengthens accountability

Solves problems quickly

Builds respect and trust

But without empathy, directness:

Erodes trust quickly

Magnifies small issues

Creates defensiveness

Closes off conversations

Misses the deeper context

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘Respectful, Not Ruthless - How to Be Direct Without Being Cruel'.

Let’s dive in!

Download PDF at Bottom of Email

How to Apply Each in Real Life

Be Clear and Direct

Scenario: You’re leading a project meeting, and a team member suggests an approach that is overly complex and off-track.

What to Do: Start with, "Let's focus on our main goal here..." Then outline the key steps in simple terms, keeping everyone aligned on the objective.

Respect Your Audience

Scenario: You’re giving feedback to a colleague who has been struggling with a task.

What to Say: Start with, "I see you've put in effort on this…" and follow with constructive insights on how to improve. This shows you recognize their hard work while guiding them forward.

Check Your Timing

Scenario: During a team discussion, you have a crucial point but notice tension in the room.

What to Do: Wait until the conversation calms. Then say, "I’d like to add something that might help us make progress." Timing can turn a good point into a helpful contribution.

Provide Solutions

Scenario: A teammate shares a problem, feeling uncertain about the next steps.

What to Say: Offer, "Let’s try this approach…" and suggest a clear, actionable solution that addresses the issue directly. This keeps the conversation solution-focused and productive.

Stay Calm & Confident

Scenario: A client raises their voice over an unexpected issue.

What to Say: Maintain your tone, saying, "I understand why this is frustrating. Let's go over the steps to resolve it." This keeps the interaction professional and keeps emotions in check.

Stay Calm & Confident

My team faced a tight deadline for a major project. Midway through, they encountered unexpected technical issues that halted progress.

Stress levels rose, and team members began to panic, fearing they wouldn't meet the deadline.

These are the actions I took:

I stepped in and maintained a calm demeanor, which helped to ease the team's anxiety.

I organized an immediate meeting to assess the situation without assigning blame.

We identified the root cause of the technical problems and brainstormed potential solutions.

I then delegated specific tasks to team members based on their strengths, ensuring everyone knew their role in resolving the issue.

Here are the steps I recommend you take:

Stay Composed:

When unexpected problems arise, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts before responding.

Communicate Clearly:

Hold a meeting to discuss the issue openly, allowing team members to express concerns and suggest solutions.

Delegate Effectively:

Assign tasks based on individual strengths to address the problem efficiently.

Provide Support:

Offer guidance and resources to help the team overcome obstacles.

Maintaining calm and confidence in stressful situations not only helps in finding solutions but also sets a positive example for the team.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1: Self-Reflection

Choose the lesson you want to work on.
- Spend 10 minutes reflecting on recent situations where you applied or missed applying your chosen lesson.
- Identify patterns and areas for improvement.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Today I’m focusing on self-reflection for improving my [chosen lesson, e.g., 'Be Clear and Direct']. Help me look back at recent situations where I could have done better with this lesson. Guide me on what I did well and where I can improve, so I know what to focus on in the coming days.”

Day 2: Set a Specific Goal

Define a clear, achievable goal related to your chosen lesson.
- Example: If focusing on "Be Clear and Direct," aim to communicate one message today without ambiguity.
Establish a concrete target to work toward.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I want to set a clear goal to improve my [chosen lesson, e.g., 'Check Your Timing']. Help me create a simple, specific, and realistic goal I can aim to achieve today. Make it easy to follow and something I can measure or notice by the end of the day."

Day 3: Apply the Lesson

Consciously implement your chosen lesson in a real-life scenario today.
- Example: For "Stay Calm & Confident," maintain composure during a challenging meeting.
Practice the lesson in a practical context.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "Today I’m going to apply my chosen lesson, [e.g., 'Stay Calm & Confident'], in a real situation. Suggest ways to prepare mentally for this. And if things get challenging, what can I do to make sure I stay focused on my goal?"

Day 4: Review and Adjust

Reflect on your experience from Day 3.
- What went well?
- What could be improved?
Learn from the experience and plan how to continue applying the lesson.
ChatGPT Prompt to Help: "I applied my chosen lesson yesterday, and now I’m reflecting on how it went. Help me break down what I did well and what could be better. Also, give me some advice on how I can keep using this lesson moving forward."

Every team deserves a culture built on kindness and trust.

Simple gestures like listening and showing patience go a long way.

Honesty, when handled with care, creates lasting respect.

A team that feels valued will always do its best work.

Understand before being understood.

Be the voice that solves, not criticizes.

Speak clearly, but never cruelly.

Until next week and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:

"Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

"How to Speak So That People Want to Listen" by Julian Treasure (see it here)

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