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#1 Habit That’s Breaking Trust (and how to fix it)

#1 Habit That’s Breaking Trust (and how to fix it)

You Don’t Know You’re Doing It Until It’s Too Late...

Justin Mecham
April 14, 2025

Hey Full Potential Zoners!

Being direct isn’t bad—being mean is.

Talking clearly doesn’t mean talking harshly.

You can be kind and clear at the same time.

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Being kind doesn’t make you weak.

It makes people listen.

And when people listen— everyone does better.

Today we are going to help leaders master this by using:

‘Respectful, Not Ruthless - You Can Be Direct Without Being Cruel'.

Let’s dive in!

Download This PDF + my Top 60+ Cheat Sheets At Bottom of Email

How to Be Direct Without Being Harsh

1. Delivering Hard Feedback Without Hurting Trust

Scenario: A senior designer missed several project deadlines. Morale was dipping and teammates were frustrated.

Start by sharing facts:
- “This project was due Monday and pushed to Thursday.”
Stay calm:
- Keep your tone steady. Don’t use sarcasm or guilt.
Suggest a fix:
- Ask what would help them stay on track next time and offer to remove blockers.
Why it works:
- They’ll feel heard—not attacked—and more willing to take action.

2. Correcting a Colleague’s Mistake in a Meeting

Scenario: Someone shares the wrong data point during a team call.

Don’t interrupt. Wait for the right time. Then say:
- “I think the number may have been X. I can double-check after.”
Tone matters:
- Stay calm. Avoid making them feel embarrassed.
Respect the room:
- Correct quietly, not to prove a point—but to help the team get it right.
Why it works:
- You fix the error and protect the relationship.

3. Managing Up Without Sounding Defensive

Scenario: Your manager questions why a project isn’t moving faster.

Stick to the facts:
- “Here’s what’s done, what’s blocked, and why.”
Keep emotion out of it:
- Don’t get reactive. Keep your tone calm and your words clear.
Offer help:
- Suggest trade-offs or ask for support with delays.
Why it works:
- You stay solution-focused without sounding dismissive or upset.

4. Disagreeing in a Brainstorm Without Shutting Ideas Down

Scenario: A teammate suggests a plan you don’t agree with.

Start with curiosity:
- “I can see where you're going. What if we try a version that also includes…”
Be respectful:
- Avoid “That won’t work” or “We’ve already tried that.”
Build, don’t break:
- Add to their idea instead of tearing it down.
Why it works:
- You stay collaborative while keeping the conversation open.

5. Telling a Peer Their Behavior Is Impacting the Team

Scenario: Someone is often late to handoffs, slowing down progress.

Don’t vent to others. Instead, ask to chat one-on-one.
Use neutral language:
- “When the handoff is late, it puts pressure on everyone’s timing.”
Ask, don’t accuse:
- “Is there anything that’s making it hard to meet that timeline?”
Why it works:
- It shows respect and accountability, not blame.

Providing Constructive Feedback Respectfully

A company I was coaching asked me to step in.

Their marketing team was struggling with missed deadlines and unclear project handoffs.

The manager felt frustrated but didn’t want to come across as harsh.

Because of this, feedback was vague or avoided entirely, which only led to more confusion and tension.

I worked with the manager to shift their approach.

We started by scheduling one-on-one check-ins.

I had them use specific examples to describe what wasn’t working, like incomplete briefs or last-minute changes.

We rewrote their feedback using clear language, removed blame, and added solution-focused steps.

I also coached them to ask team members for their view of what was slowing things down and what support they needed.

This turned feedback into a two-way conversation.

Solution Tips:

Start with a clear example of what needs to improve (not just a feeling).
Avoid labeling or blaming. Stick to the facts and how it affects the work.
Offer a path forward, not just a critique.
Ask for input, so the other person feels heard and part of the solution.
Keep the tone steady and calm, even when the topic is tough.

The team began making smoother handoffs and hitting their deadlines more consistently.

People said they actually looked forward to feedback because it felt useful, not personal.

Accountability went up without fear being part of the process.

Here's how you can make it real over the next 4 days:

Day 1 – Choose Your Moment

Pick one lesson you want to get better at.
Notice one conversation you need to have.
It might be feedback, a question, or a concern.
Before you say anything, ask:
- Is this the right time?
Write it down if it’s not the right time yet.
Wait for a better moment or plan a time to talk.
AI Prompt: “You are a communication coach. Help me figure out if now is the right time to give feedback or bring something up. Here’s the situation: [describe the situation]. What signs should I look for, and how should I prepare if I need to wait?”

Day 2 – Write It First

Write out what you want to say before you say it.
Keep it short, simple, and clear.
Remove filler words or any extra emotion.
Ask yourself:
- Would I be okay hearing this if it were said to me?
AI Prompt: “You are an expert in clear and respectful communication. I want to give someone feedback or bring up a concern. Help me write it in a short, respectful way that is direct but not harsh. Here’s what I want to say: [type your rough draft]”.

Day 3 – Speak, Then Ask

Have the conversation. But this time, don’t just talk—ask a question after.
For example:
- “Does this make sense to you?” or “What do you think?”
Let them respond fully before you say anything else.
AI Prompt: “You are a workplace conversation expert. Help me end this message or conversation with a simple question that invites a response without sounding forced. Here’s what I plan to say: [add message]. What’s a good way to follow it up with a question?”.

Day 4 – Reflect & Adjust

Think back on the moment.
What went well?
What felt off or hard?
What would you do the same or differently next time?
Write your answers in a few short lines.
AI Prompt: “You are a trusted advisor. I just gave feedback or had a hard conversation. Help me reflect on how I handled it. Here’s what happened: [share what you said and how it went]. What did I do well, and what could I do better next time?”.

When people stop sharing, it’s not always because they agree.

It might be because they don’t feel safe speaking up.

Respect keeps the conversation open, even when it’s hard.

Feedback is not a weapon. It’s a tool.

Your tone can either build tension or build trust.

You don’t lose respect by showing respect.

Kindness is not a weakness. It's a choice.

Until next time and with lots of love,

Justin

This Week’s Growth Recommendations

Book To Read:

“Radical Candor" by Kim Scott (see it here)

TED Talk to Watch

“Why Being Respectful to Your Coworkers Is Good for Business" by Christine Porath (see it here)

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